Sunday, November 4, 2012

Trusting—Then, and Now

It used to be easy—trusting God. 

When the boys were young, they were hardly ever out of my sight—and for good reason. I was the ever watchful Momma Bear, and frankly, since no close family were around when the boys grew up, I just didn't trust anyone else to care for my boys.

It was so natural to homeschool them. And of course, I was delighted in that I didn't have to send them off to be taught by strangers. Wasn't it important, who I entrusted to teach my child? 

As a young girl, I used to play school all the time with my sister who was four years younger than me. I fashioned worksheets for her and loved teaching her what I knew. In high school I really wanted to study art and possibly teach it. But art teachers were not getting many jobs at that time, and well, I went on to study nursing which was high in demand. I would have never guessed that one day I'd become a teacher of language, science, history and (gulp) algebra! And yeah, I got to teach art too. All through the years I've truly felt that guiding my boys through homeschooling was my true calling, and my greatest joy.

  God is so good.

But as some of you know, 2012 was the last year for us homeschooling in the traditional sense, though these last several years seem nothing at all traditional to me. The boys grew up, and guess what? They had minds of their own. They asked even more questions than when they were small. They weren't always patient with me! They became very determined and independent minded—a good thing, right? Plus, I could no longer follow them around everywhere to keep an eye on them. The time I spent instilling character in the younger years was over. Their outcome surfaced. The guilt crept in.

Did I do okay?

While I'm very proud of my sons, and we did some very creative projects, learned a lot—even independently, and had a love for learning and a heart for God, at times I am overwhelmed, especially when I am confronted with worldly things, and those sinister mindsets that lurk out there.

Not only do I have to trust God to guide my sons and keep them in His care; I have to trust myself, that I did the best I could, and simply let go. But now, I  think of many things I should have spent more time on. I wish I'd done a few things better. I wish I'd known some things earlier on. I wish I hadn't been so darn lazy sometimes.

 My faith reminds me that whatever the circumstances, the One who knows ALL is in charge. He's got my back. He loves us even more than I love my own family (hard to even comprehend). He's been there for us more times than I can count. In times of stress and doubt, I can trust that what happens in life is meant to be for a purpose, and I can look for the learning moments in each one. Then, I can use those lessons of life, make them part of who I am, and use them to benefit others.

Just a few weeks ago, I came the closest to death I had ever been. Though it was a scary experience, and I did not want to leave my family this soon, I was ready to go meet my Maker. Feeling scared and peaceful sound like opposites, but that's how I felt at the same time. I remember thinking, "Mom, I'll be with you soon." But I was ambivalent to actually go, and thankfully, the hospital ER probably saved my life. (Atrial Fibrillation, in case anyone wants to know.)

Each day is a gift from my Creator.  

I have so much to be thankful for! How cool it is, that I just found out that I won a copy of Mary DeMuth's book "Everything: What You Give and What You Gain to Become Like Jesus." I look forward to reading it, and I imagine I'll come away with much needed inspiration, something we all need. 

Resting in Him. Relying on Him. Thanking Him. Loving Him. Counting my blessings and trusting Him today and everyday. 

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
—Romans 15:13

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